Normally I write my blog entries when I can't sleep in the middle of the night. Today however I'm at my in-laws doing a couple loads of laundry before this hurricane hits and the chaos starts. I am not looking forward to this hurricane. I never thought I would go through an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week. We were at a crab feast last night and everyone was getting calls from our power companies with automated messages to expect power outages for at least 24 hours starting Saturday evening and into Sunday afternoon. I can take rain and I can take earthquakes, but I fear wind. I've always hated wind. It's something that makes me sick to think about it. Growing up in southern California Santa Ana winds are inevitable, but I was never able to sleep through it especially when it whistled around the windows. So there is a lot of anxiety and I may be crying with my kids tonight if they can't sleep either. I actually told Rob last night : "When this thing hits I need you to man up and be my protector. You've been through this, I haven't and I'm scared. You know my fear of wind." He seemed understanding.
All this talk of wind and rain and Rob brings back a memory. 10 years and about 3 weeks ago or so. I was on a mission trip to Kenya. I was almost 16 and had vowed to God that I wouldn't date anymore. That I would have a courtship with the man he wanted me to marry and that I would only look within the church for someone to spend my life with. I would focus on school and start working on myself and wait a couple more years before I start looking at boys again and I would wait until I was spiritually ready to look for a mate. Basically I vowed to not casually date and I asked for God to bring him into my life when He thought I was ready. Little did I know when I had made that vow that God had placed him right in front of me.
I felt close to Rob like a brother just like all the other brothers on the trip. A couple weeks before we were to leave I started feeling things that I didn't like because I had told God I would wait on Him. I kept thinking things like "he's going to make a good husband for some one" or " I hope the man I marry is going to be that good with kids". I felt like I was being plagued because the feelings only grew and so I did the only thing I knew and I prayed. I asked God to take away these feelings. I wrote Rob a letter and told him my heart and to pray as well. He wrote me back and told me that he was feeling the same way and even told me he wandered what it would be like to kiss me. He said he would pray as well. We got in trouble for "pairing off" aka spending too much time together even in a group. A couple days after the letter and not talking to each other we had a bad storm. Thunder, lighting, rain,and Wind. We were getting ready to leave in a few days and they told us that we could sleep in tents slumber party style if we wanted to spend extra time with friends we made. I found myself alone in a tent by myself, I figured it would be nice to have some time to think. I had no idea the storm would be so bad, my tent started falling apart due to the wind and it was caving in around me.I remember the tent bending in a way that the ceiling almost touched my face. I remember going through who all was in the tents and thinking "there is no room for me... all the girl tents are full". Right before my tent callapsed I jumped out and took off running and ran into the first boys tent I saw.
Robert's! He shared the tent with Tyson, another young man I had viewed as a brother. I scared the heebeegeebee's out of both of them because I dived in and landed right between them. I was soaking wet and sobbing from fear. Rob stroked my drenched hair until the sobbing slowed and he leaned forward and whispered "who are you?" I laugh now when I think back. I was faced down with my face burried in a pile of someone's laundry and it was sooo dark. I said "it's me". When lightning flashed he saw who it was and pulled me into his arms. After I stopped crying completely he climbed out of his sleeping bag and told me to climb in and gave me his sweatshirt. I told him my tent had collapsed and how much I hated wind. After Tyson fell back to sleep we stayed up and talked into the wee ours of the morning. Before I drifted off to sleep he leaned forward and whispered in my ear " I have never told any girl this before but.......... I think I'm in love with you." I answered him with an "I know I love you".
He told me later that he had set his alarm to wake me up before a leader found me in a boys tent. He couldn't go to sleep however and sat in his tent and watched me sleep. As I left that morning he kissed me lightly and said "I love you" I said "I love you". Than from no where Tyson says "I love you too Meggan". I tried so hard not to laugh, I was afraid I'd wake the leaders. The leader found me standing in front of my tent just a few moments later. He said he'd get the boys to put it back up, but never asked me any questions.
It's crazy to think that 10 years ago we started our lives together with a storm and we have been facing storms of other kinds ever since. With God as our Rock, 10 years later with 4 kids and 4 fish we'll be facing another storm that will drive me into his arms again. This time knowing that his arms will be around me "till death due us part" and with no hesitation whatsoever, and only with 10 times more love than those first "I love yous".
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down!
Such an awesome song!!! I also think that this is a good topic title for my blog tonight. We have had a very emotional week. We have been camping all week at deep creek lake and WOW! what a week.
We had plenty of booboos! The greatest tumble was Ahna who went to far up on a hill with her scooter and as a result had a huge road burn at the underside of her thigh. We start the week on her birthday and what a birthday. When tubing, she tried with Daddy and she only lasted a couple minutes. When daddy started bragging about how she tried and pulled her in his lap and told her how proud of her he was..... a memory mommy will never forget.
Jack caught 4 fish and was braver than all the kids and went tubing on the lake by himself. What? my Jack? the one that wouldn't leave the step at the swimming pool last year.
Robby made friends with neighboring kids and discovered the joy of a jumbo marshmallow s'more. He too went out on the tube by himself a little more hesitant than Jack, but when doing it with his Dad found it was much more fun.
Jason was annoying running out to the road all the time. We had to deal with it because he only wanted to follow everyone who left the campsite including brothers and sister and other kids going up and down the street on scooters, bikes, and skate boards. It was awesome to watch him run to his aunt Rebekah after she took a shower like she was gone for a year. When he lifted his arms to an uncle who self proclaims that he's never having kids, was an awesome thing to watch.
We said goodbye to our niece Alexandra who went off to college in West Virginia after camping with us for a few days.
Robert's brother said one of the most awesome times he's had in a while was when Uncle David, Robert, and Patrick went fishing ... just them.
I had time to do a lot of reflection and I dealt with a lot of emotions selfishness, jealously, anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, shock, happiness, joy, love, belonging, fun, laughter and many more. Every family has issues and this family showed them but it's what you do with them that shows understanding and love. This family I can safely say Loves to Much! Maybe that's why I love them so much.
It's been 8 years since I handed Robert a tissue after I walked toward him ready to be his wife. The last 4 years have been the hardest on our marriage but the most victorious. I have watched my husband almost die of something unknown until the last second luckily before it was too late. We had a lot of problems in our marriage 2 years ago. When the road gets rough you can't just get off at the next exit you have to make it a choice to fight for your marriage. My dad did and so did I. We chose to fight for love and we beat the odds in a marriages.
Now our marriage is growing and not by our hands but by God's. I love you Robert Edward Moore Jr. I love you more now than the day you became my husband!!! I am loving growing up and growing old with you. You are an amazing wonderful father and you are my other half and I would die without you and for you!!! Thank you for picking me.
Lord thank you for carrying us these last 4 years and I pray that you will hold us for at least another 40 years!
We had plenty of booboos! The greatest tumble was Ahna who went to far up on a hill with her scooter and as a result had a huge road burn at the underside of her thigh. We start the week on her birthday and what a birthday. When tubing, she tried with Daddy and she only lasted a couple minutes. When daddy started bragging about how she tried and pulled her in his lap and told her how proud of her he was..... a memory mommy will never forget.
Jack caught 4 fish and was braver than all the kids and went tubing on the lake by himself. What? my Jack? the one that wouldn't leave the step at the swimming pool last year.
Robby made friends with neighboring kids and discovered the joy of a jumbo marshmallow s'more. He too went out on the tube by himself a little more hesitant than Jack, but when doing it with his Dad found it was much more fun.
Jason was annoying running out to the road all the time. We had to deal with it because he only wanted to follow everyone who left the campsite including brothers and sister and other kids going up and down the street on scooters, bikes, and skate boards. It was awesome to watch him run to his aunt Rebekah after she took a shower like she was gone for a year. When he lifted his arms to an uncle who self proclaims that he's never having kids, was an awesome thing to watch.
We said goodbye to our niece Alexandra who went off to college in West Virginia after camping with us for a few days.
Robert's brother said one of the most awesome times he's had in a while was when Uncle David, Robert, and Patrick went fishing ... just them.
I had time to do a lot of reflection and I dealt with a lot of emotions selfishness, jealously, anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, shock, happiness, joy, love, belonging, fun, laughter and many more. Every family has issues and this family showed them but it's what you do with them that shows understanding and love. This family I can safely say Loves to Much! Maybe that's why I love them so much.
It's been 8 years since I handed Robert a tissue after I walked toward him ready to be his wife. The last 4 years have been the hardest on our marriage but the most victorious. I have watched my husband almost die of something unknown until the last second luckily before it was too late. We had a lot of problems in our marriage 2 years ago. When the road gets rough you can't just get off at the next exit you have to make it a choice to fight for your marriage. My dad did and so did I. We chose to fight for love and we beat the odds in a marriages.
Now our marriage is growing and not by our hands but by God's. I love you Robert Edward Moore Jr. I love you more now than the day you became my husband!!! I am loving growing up and growing old with you. You are an amazing wonderful father and you are my other half and I would die without you and for you!!! Thank you for picking me.
Lord thank you for carrying us these last 4 years and I pray that you will hold us for at least another 40 years!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Happy Birthday to you!
I can't sleep tonight. I'm too restless. So many thoughts and I didn't know what to do with them. I guess I'm doing this to help my wondering thoughts calm a bit. I have been truly challenged by my women's Sunday school class that many times I bolt for the door hoping that I can get the tears to withhold themselves before the other women notice. Why is God convicting me so much? When we moved back here to MD I told myself that we needed to move so that we could better prepare ourselves for the ministry. I didn't realize He would start Preparing us the week we got here. Every week I walk in and He's got another message to challenge me with. A servant's heart is what I have been given and sometimes I don't want it. Other times I ask myself why I have to go through these tough times why can't I just leave now?He called Rob and I to the mission field as teens and I feel so close I can taste it. You know it's a Calling when that's all you think about. I wake up in the morning and it's there, I go to bed and it's there. In my prayers it's there, in my devotions it's there. It's one of those things where you want to go away or it needs to happen tomorrow. I don't think this will end (the nagging of the Holy Spirit) until we are on a plane to wherever our ministry is suppose to be. In the mean time I'm trying really hard to use this servant's heart here and now even though my heart is somewhere else.
The other thing that is keeping me awake is my Jack. I have been 26 for about an hour here on the east coast and I was looking back on this day 6 years ago, when I felt the Holy spirit for the first time. Jack was born on August 5th when he was due September 1st. He was 4 weeks early and because of how sick I was, the medications they had me on, and how weak his lungs were he was born with pneumonia. On my birthday the 8th I was going to go home without my baby. I was eager to see him that morning because they had told me the night before they were going to try to take him off the ventilator. So I hurried down the hall to the NICU and what I found I have never been able to describe with words. The nurse looked at me like a deer in head lights, after a moment she rushed over and softly said "he took a turn for the worse around 3 am. It's been a battle to get him stabilized, but he is now and he still has a chance to pull through this." I stood over my baby who was vibrating extremely fast with even more tubes than he had the day before. I don't think I actually knew how I felt, I guess I was numb. I tried to touch his foot but I couldn't and I turned and walked back to my room. I sat on the edge of my bed not knowing what to feel, just staring at the wall. My nurse came in and sat next to me and asked if I was ok. All I said was "he's worse... my baby is worse". She wrapped her arms around me and held me as I sobbed. After a few minutes I felt calmer and I realized she was praying for me and my little Jack. Her arms were no longer her arms but those of God's. Almost a quiet assurance that if I gave Him Jack he would be in good hands and He would hold Jack as I was being held. What were the nurses words? Till this day I have no clue but does it matter?
After we got home we got a phone call from the NICU saying that they were transferring Jack to Children's Hospital of LA. They told us that he wasn't getting any worse yet but if he did get worse they didn't have the technology to treat him so they wanted him in a place where they would be ready just in case. That and they rather transfer him while he was stable. That day was along day and my dad drove down to Children's to be with us while they got Jack settled. He never went back to visit it was to hard. He was on a high frequency ventilator which pumps air into the baby's lungs 900 times a minute to dry them out, getting rid of the pneumonia while also strengthening the little lungs. He seemed the same to me everyday when I visited. There were the ups and downs according to his nurse, until the 6th day. The nurse came to me excited as soon as I got off the elevator and told me Jack was starting to breathe over the machine. When I scrubbed in and got all the gear on, I went to see what he was talking about. Sure enough there he was being vibrated by this machine the size of a 5 drawer upright dresser and my little guy's lungs are puffing away over the top of the vibration. It sure was a site. The nurse said,"his breathing is still irregular so the doc wants him on it for a little while longer but he should be on a regular vent within the next 24 hours". The next day as I came off the elevator I saw that huge machine being rolled down the hall. I ran to the window to make sure it was Jacks machine and it was. The nurse gave me a thumbs up. I never washed my hands so fast ever. I scrubbed so hard they were red, I was so excited. When I went in to see him the nurse told me it usually only takes about 48 hrs at this point to get them off a vent altogether and that they were going to be transferring him back to the hospital where he was born. The next morning Rob and I went to the hospital where he was born to visit him and when we walked in the nurse escorted us right back out and said " He's doing great they are taking out his vent tube right now" She asked us to wait in the hall and she came out and got us. When we saw him for the first time and all he had was a nasal canula it felt so good. "Can I hold him?" I said as I looked at the nurse. "Of course haven't you held him?" I shook my head no. Rob told her I had barely got a glance before they wisked him away. 10 days....It took me 10 days to be able to hold my baby.
There were more ups and downs the week that followed. Rob and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary, watching cpr tapes, going through the carseat test, nursing Jack for the first time, and then taking our 16 day old baby home for the first time. People asked me how I was staying so strong through all of it. You know those arms I felt when the nurse held me? They never let me go. Sometimes when I look at Jack and remember that birthday... I feel those arms again.
The other thing that is keeping me awake is my Jack. I have been 26 for about an hour here on the east coast and I was looking back on this day 6 years ago, when I felt the Holy spirit for the first time. Jack was born on August 5th when he was due September 1st. He was 4 weeks early and because of how sick I was, the medications they had me on, and how weak his lungs were he was born with pneumonia. On my birthday the 8th I was going to go home without my baby. I was eager to see him that morning because they had told me the night before they were going to try to take him off the ventilator. So I hurried down the hall to the NICU and what I found I have never been able to describe with words. The nurse looked at me like a deer in head lights, after a moment she rushed over and softly said "he took a turn for the worse around 3 am. It's been a battle to get him stabilized, but he is now and he still has a chance to pull through this." I stood over my baby who was vibrating extremely fast with even more tubes than he had the day before. I don't think I actually knew how I felt, I guess I was numb. I tried to touch his foot but I couldn't and I turned and walked back to my room. I sat on the edge of my bed not knowing what to feel, just staring at the wall. My nurse came in and sat next to me and asked if I was ok. All I said was "he's worse... my baby is worse". She wrapped her arms around me and held me as I sobbed. After a few minutes I felt calmer and I realized she was praying for me and my little Jack. Her arms were no longer her arms but those of God's. Almost a quiet assurance that if I gave Him Jack he would be in good hands and He would hold Jack as I was being held. What were the nurses words? Till this day I have no clue but does it matter?
After we got home we got a phone call from the NICU saying that they were transferring Jack to Children's Hospital of LA. They told us that he wasn't getting any worse yet but if he did get worse they didn't have the technology to treat him so they wanted him in a place where they would be ready just in case. That and they rather transfer him while he was stable. That day was along day and my dad drove down to Children's to be with us while they got Jack settled. He never went back to visit it was to hard. He was on a high frequency ventilator which pumps air into the baby's lungs 900 times a minute to dry them out, getting rid of the pneumonia while also strengthening the little lungs. He seemed the same to me everyday when I visited. There were the ups and downs according to his nurse, until the 6th day. The nurse came to me excited as soon as I got off the elevator and told me Jack was starting to breathe over the machine. When I scrubbed in and got all the gear on, I went to see what he was talking about. Sure enough there he was being vibrated by this machine the size of a 5 drawer upright dresser and my little guy's lungs are puffing away over the top of the vibration. It sure was a site. The nurse said,"his breathing is still irregular so the doc wants him on it for a little while longer but he should be on a regular vent within the next 24 hours". The next day as I came off the elevator I saw that huge machine being rolled down the hall. I ran to the window to make sure it was Jacks machine and it was. The nurse gave me a thumbs up. I never washed my hands so fast ever. I scrubbed so hard they were red, I was so excited. When I went in to see him the nurse told me it usually only takes about 48 hrs at this point to get them off a vent altogether and that they were going to be transferring him back to the hospital where he was born. The next morning Rob and I went to the hospital where he was born to visit him and when we walked in the nurse escorted us right back out and said " He's doing great they are taking out his vent tube right now" She asked us to wait in the hall and she came out and got us. When we saw him for the first time and all he had was a nasal canula it felt so good. "Can I hold him?" I said as I looked at the nurse. "Of course haven't you held him?" I shook my head no. Rob told her I had barely got a glance before they wisked him away. 10 days....It took me 10 days to be able to hold my baby.
There were more ups and downs the week that followed. Rob and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary, watching cpr tapes, going through the carseat test, nursing Jack for the first time, and then taking our 16 day old baby home for the first time. People asked me how I was staying so strong through all of it. You know those arms I felt when the nurse held me? They never let me go. Sometimes when I look at Jack and remember that birthday... I feel those arms again.
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