Coffee Coke and Cockiness

Well I've cut Coke and coffee out of my diet. I'm showing classic signs of a stomach ulcer and these are 2 things that I consume daily that have become the product of my demise. Being that we have had a lot of stress in the past year that has also contributed to these health issues, I've decided that I will use this time to take advantage of the spiral of positivity that has begun. I want to be in the right mind as decisions have to be made. I want to be sure that the decisions we are making are what God has intended for us. We are truly excited about this upcoming year and I honestly don't want to get caught up in it. So many times before we have had an upward spiral and our relationship with God falters because we don't give Him the glory He deserves. Almost as if we get cocky and give ourselves the Glory when its due elsewhere. This truly is a struggle for me. It's about my money, my house, my kids, my health, my,my,my,my. I don't want that kind of heart. I want one of humility and Grace. So this is what I'm going to work on during this time. My prayer life has been lacking and I want an unceasing prayer life style. Or at least continue to try. I want prayer to be my first reaction to everything that comes up not the last thing I turn to.  So this is me challenging myself when I want to grab a cup of Joe or a coke instead I'm challenging myself to pray about a family member or issue or decision that needs to be made. Just a few minutes. With my constant want for my recent physical crutch, I should be doing a lot of praying lol. So I'll be working on my stomach and my spirituality by try to eliminate coffee, coke, and cockiness. 

One is the loneliest number - something has been bothering me about single people

I have quite a few friends who are single so here are some things I've been thinking about, and feel free to give me feedback. I hope that I can give you some encouragement. If you are 15 or 50 it all works the same. 

I have been married for going on 11 years and its been both hard and rewarding. I'm feeling as though I'm lucky that I met Robert so young but at the same time I feel as if our dating life was misunderstood a lot. Most people don't know that the summer Robert and I met we were 15 and 17 years old and we had  both vowed to no longer date. Instead we would focus on our relationship with God. We just didn't know that we had both made that same commitment at the same time until a few years later. Through a bible study that summer I learned that God had a plan for my life. If I focus on Him and making myself a woman after God's own heart than the man I marry would be presented to me when He knows I'm ready. I was really happy to hand over my dating life to God because that meant that I wouldn't be swooning over any cute boys. I could get down to business and focus on what I wanted in a husband not a boyfriend. That summer I wrote down all the qualities that I wanted in a man that I could spend the rest of my life with. I vowed to wait for Gods timing because His is perfect, and pray for the one that He set apart for me. That's what I did. I look back now and realized that God gave me a gift like no other by focusing on Him and our relationship I started viewing young men differently. My thoughts went from " Wow he's cute" to "Would he make a good spiritual leader?". I was no longer looking at them as cute boys, I was looking at them as brothers. I realized that the boys at home that I had crushes on were somebody else's husband and if he wasn't mine then I didn't want to ruin his integrity. I didn't want to kiss another woman's husband. I didn't want to kiss my "brother". I decided that at the beginning of each relationship I would pray and ask God to reveal Himself and help guide the relationship to where it should go. Now did that mean that I didn't look around? No in fact there were 3 boys that I looked at and thought about as serious contenders to that "spiritual leaders" part of my list. Then I took that list and prayed over it "God you know who he is please keep him safe and healthy and guide his path. Give him your heart. If he doesn't know you lead him to someone who does. Be with him and his family." I know it sounds weird but I felt connected to him in some way even though I had no idea who he is. I believe with my whole heart that we each have someone perfectly made for us, just like Eve was made for Adam. So here are few things that may help your situation. 

1# Hand it over! Are you truely happy and content with where you are?Well know this God knows where he or she is and one of you may not be ready. You or he or she maybe having trouble trusting in The Lord. One of you may be having a faith problem. Just because your not happy being single doesn't mean you can't be content with where God has you. You really need to focus on you not where he or she is and focus on where you are which brings me to my next point. 

#2 Where is your walk with God? Is it ok, good or the best it's ever been? I was so focused on God that I didn't see Robert sitting in front of me for awhile. I was really getting to know who HE is. When was the last time you studied I mean truely studied Gods word? Could you work on your relationship with Him so that He can focus on blessing you? What are you doing to make yourself a better child of God? Are you focusing on Holliness? Don't you want to be ready for that person when they do come your way? 

#3 Stop looking but make contact. I know this sounds contradicting but it's not. Stop looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Stop looking for a mate period. Instead refocus your attention on making contacts socially while you are out and about. I've heard that some make a goal for themselves of 5 a day. Having a conversation with some one you meet anywhere can always lead to more. Here is the thing, if you are trusting Him but having conversations with 5 people of the opposite sex a day then you won't miss your special someone. God will use one of those Contacts as the One. You can say you did your part. Sorry but  you are not going to get a relationship by sitting in your house and never going anywhere. Unless your special someone is the postman God is not bringing you anything to the door. You must get out there but trust that God will put them in front of you when you are ready. Most married couples I've talked to said that their Mr. Or Mrs. Right didn't come along till they weren't expecting them. So stop looking!

#4 Humble your self and pray. 

Pray for your future spouse its amazing how much God will reveal to you about yourself. Make a list and pray over it. He wants you to have high standards for yourself and don't back down. 

Here's what really bothers me about single people stop complaining about Valentines Day! God demonstrated the Greatest love ever, use it as a day to share that with people. We don't use the day as a lovers day we can go out anytime we want. Instead our kids draw from a hat and buy a gift for each other. It's a huge family day for us. Lots of treats and a big fancy family dinner areamongst  our festivities. What is the most important festivity though? Reminding them that For God so loved the world..............

Long time,no post- the gift of life and the gift of His Son

I'd like to update you on a few things. When talking with my kids recently they have told me that I've done a good job at working on my yelling and have been encouraged to keep going. I still have bad days but they are getting fewer as I have realized that I'm usually mad at someone else when I yell at my kids. This weekend I have been encouraged to find teachable moments to talk about moral issues with my kids. I'm looking forward to what God is going to teach me through my kids in the up coming weeks and years. 

There has been a huge change in Rob and I in the past few weeks that I really want to share because it was life changing. I got a phone call one night saying that Robert was having a Diabetic emergency at work and that he was being taken to the ER. I was stunned. I immediately became disorganized and a bit panicky. Rob had the car and the Hospital was right next door to his Lab so I had to get rid of the kids and find a ride. His sister got me to him and when I finally made it he was not my Robert. So white and frail. Confused and scared was an understatement. He about cried when I told him it was almost 11 and that it took me a couple hours to get to him. He had no concept of time. It only took me a few minutes to realize that this was no ordinary visit. He was in bad shape and I soon would discover how close I had come to becoming a widow. We both came to realize how deadly low blood sugar is and that nothing mattered anymore but Life. I stayed in the hospital with him that night. He wouldn't tell me but I saw the fear in his eyes of being left alone.  At one point the next morning he asked me to pray for him and as I tried to we both ended up in tears overwhelmed with the gift we had been given. Life! We were taking it for granted, an ice tea and some cheese saved my husbands Life that night. His sugar was so low that despite his efforts to raise it the tea and cheese weren't fast enough.  He passed out in a room where no one saw him or found him. When he woke 2 hours later it took everything in his power to make it to a hallway where someone would find him. He later told me that he knew he would die if he didn't get out of that room. Life is so precious. We realized that it is so easy to get caught up in the next church function or the next bill to pay that we forget to tell those around us what they mean to us. 

This weekend was even more encouraging. We attended a marriage retreat and after what we had just been through it was super encouraging to us. We were already cleaving to each other  but when you know that God just taught us a huge lesson in cherishing life, we realized that wether we have new shoes is no longer important. Arguing is a waste of time that we can't get back. If God can provide Rob with life once again He will provide for us again in other ways. He gave us tools this weekend to go along with our new lessons in life. The week after his visit to the hospital we just enjoyed our family, completely loved on each other. After this weekend we have tools to keep it going. 

I did learn something about my husband tonight that humbled me and broke my heart. If we lived in Bible times we would have been the scoffers the people that shouted "Crucify Him"! I am convinced of this. But be that we live now and we know who He is what if you had to travel back in time and be the one that nailed his hands and feet to the cross? My husband told me tonight that he did that. In an Easter cantata many years ago he had the job of nailing his Savior to the cross. God gave Him an understanding like no other. It felt real and has made him have a love for Christ that I can't comprehend. He loves that His savior didn't stay in the tomb.  However Easter time is the hardest time of year to get through. He has a pain that grows because of the job he had been given. The Loud clank as the hammer hits the Giant nail, rings in His head! It grows louder and louder until Easter Sunday when it stops every year because of the Celebration that our Redeemer is Alive!!!! I don't understand the anguish he must go through every year knowing and feeling as if he killed the perfect man that came to die for the sinner like me and himself. I now have a deeper connection with my Lord and now have a deeper respect for my husband because God gave him a gift. A gift like no other a piece of God himself and the anguish He himself felt as He watched His perfect Son die for all man kind. It may have only been a Cantata, but it is just one more thing that made Robert who he is today. I'm glad he's mine. 

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for the gift of life and thank you for your Son. Thank you for my gift, my husband! Thank you for His gifts that he shares with me.

Mama Bear post 1

For those of you interested and praying for my "No yelling for a year", I want to explain how this all started. I grew up with a mom that yelled most of my childhood years. In this case old habits die hard. The first parenting advice I remember wasn't for me and I wasn't even a parent yet. It was my dad telling my sister that when she yelled a threat she had to follow through or the kids figure out that your not really gonna do it. This was my first insight on how yelling really wasn't good parenting. I was researching other forms of parenting recently and came across the orange Rhino challenge and was in awe. I wanted to try it because she was so me. I hate yelling and more and more have ended up apologizing to my kids for it. I guess God has made me more aware of myself because I asked him to help me with this. Sunday morning getting ready for church I started screaming at Jason because he had peed his pants and lost a shoe while changing his clothes. All of a sudden I became light headed and dizzy, my heart started racing. My blood pressure was sky rocketing and I sat down on the stairs and thought to myself I can't do this anymore. It was the last draw I had to change for my children and not just the ones I have but the one I'm carrying as well. My health doesn't need the added stress. This has been something I have always hated about myself and quite frankly Robert hates it as well. I have tried for years to stop but I just never knew how.
So after this happened dwith Jason, later Sunday evening I sat down with my kids and asked them what animal I look like when I'm angry. After a dinosaur and a lion we voted and chose Mama Bear. Why did we name my angry self? So my kids can worn each other and myself that I'm getting ugly and they have a chance to fix what behavior they need to as well as let me know that I need to walk away or take a deep breath.
So how did my first day go yesterday? Pretty well I stopped my self 3x from screaming. I lost it once I started choking on rice that I was eating for lunch and needed water and I yelled at Robby and Robert when I was dying and needed water (and they were taking forever! ) I apologized. Robby gave me a hug and said "oh well it's alright mom your choking is what scared me".
With my non yelling attitude yesterday I received way more thank yous and I Love Yous and that is so worth it. I'm so glad I decided to do this. I know it's going to be hard. In fact I think it's the hardest thing I have ever done. I know I will have days of failure but that's what is great about this challenge Tomorrow is a new day and you can start over everyday. I'm looking forward to going months without yelling. Thank you so much for following my journey hopefully this will inspire other moms. I don't just want to be a yell free mom in public, I want to be a yell free mom at home too. I hate fake people I don't want to be a fake person. I love my children and they deserve to have a real mom. If anybody has a bible verse that I can use as a reminder to myself please pass it along :) Thank you for your prayers.

Meg

Jesus Loves me this I know:)

Just the thought of the rawness of this post makes me want to cry but I'm tired of hiding. Depression overcame me these past few months. We always joke that I am "fertile myrtle" because rob breathes the wrong way and another Moore pops out. However sometimes this "blessing" that some see it as can bring way to much heartache to bare. In November I went to California with Robby and we picked up the Dodge. I had trouble with my pharmacy being back ordered in my birth control in October and ended up having to get it at another. Well I apparently got it too late. I was late about 2 weeks as I traveled in November. I started bleeding and bled for 8 days. I wasn't sure what was up because I had only been going about 3 days. I thought maybe it was just my body all screwed up but when I got home and talked it over with Rob we realized that we had lost a little life. I was sick to my stomach a lot of that trip and got car sick a couple times even though I was the only one driving. A few weeks later the realization hit me when my cycle returned to normal. There were other symptoms and indications but i really dont want to get that graphic. The hole that consumed me has been very hard to climb out of. I have had 2 other early miscarriages in our almost 10 years of marriage. We only told our mothers because of how painful they are. It only gets worse each time. Because that's one more child I won't feel kicking inside me. That's one more baby I won't get the pleasure of naming. Rob and I have cried over this one at night more times than any of the others. I honestly don't know why. Rob was open with me tonight and told me that we have only planned 1 pregnancy out of the 7. With us our children have all been in His timing because I was on or using birth control at the time of conception. He said that the # of children we get is all up to God. We can prevent all we want but ultimately it's up to Him. A lot of family has even kind of scorned at us because of having 4 and being poor. We can do what we can do but if God wants you to have a child he gives 1 to you wether you planned it or not. Unfortunately with all the "blessings" He has given us, have also come pain. I don't know what it's like to not be able to have a baby. Where I have one extreme that causes me heart ache I have members of my family who have the other extreme of not being able to conceive which is also causing heartache. I know they think they wish they had my problem but sometimes I wish it took a bit of effort to conceive because then I wouldn't have so much pain. If you are wondering when I had my other 2 losses, the first was right after I had Robby and the other was before Jason. I thank God for all 7 of my blessings. I just wonder sometimes what the reason is for the pain. Why put me through it all so many times? Why give them to me and take them away before I even know they are in existence. Why do I get something when others don't get anything? Why do they have to try so hard to conceive once when I have to try my hardest not to conceive? This time has been the hardest emotionally. I know I'll heal but that #7 is forever engraved on my heart. Am I writing this to get pitty? No I don't want phone calls or messages saying sorry just a silent prayer is good. I'm only venting and getting the rawness off my chest so I can move on. Sorry if you have noticed my blueness I've been trying to hide it but that is no longer working. Thank you for all your love and understanding.

And I will always love you!

Ok so I have always loved that song and knowing that one of my Dad's favorite movies is "The Body Guard", it always reminds me of him. During the weeks leading up to Valentines I hear that song a lot. I have carried on the tradition for my children that he started with my sisters and I a long time ago. Every Valentines day morning I woke up to a surprise at the foot of my bed. Most of the time it wasn't anything big a small box of chocolates and sometimes a balloon. It always said "Love Daddy". I never went one year with out a valentine because I always had my Daddy. He always made it special and having 4 daughters who always dreamed of the days of boyfriends, on that day he made it not so bad. I love that he did that because he took a holiday that was normally for significant others, and turned it into a reminder of how much we're loved just in our own families. I wish everyone had grown up with a Daddy like mine that way maybe Valentines day wouldn't be so sad for some people. Everyone can have a Valentine even if its a friend or your mom. It's about Love and not just one kind. Now I think I'm repaying him by passing on the tradition. I never thought of Valentines as a "Lovers" holiday growing up till in my teen years I just thought of it as the "Love" holiday and now I get to pass that on to my children.
That song and all the Red Hearts remind me of the ultimate love, that of Christ who gave his Life and shed His blood for all of us. Not only that but he rose again coming back to life. I know that this can be a depressing holiday for some of you that are single. However maybe you need a new out look. View this as a "love " holiday and if you have no family around to share it with use this day to bless someone that could use the Love of Christ. I love my husband and am glad for this day. But he's not the first reason I love this day. Christ is because he loved me first.

Thanks Dad!!! Happy Valentines Day!!!

You are the potter I am the clay.

15 years ago almost exactly I sat down in an algebra class with a bunch of "brains". I was 12 and a boy sat next to me and a boy sat behind me. One was Randy Rankin and the other Taylor Sutton. It was the first day of 7th grade and I was nervous. "Hey are you going to choir practice on Wednesday?" I was a bit confused as to who started the conversation and I certainly didn't know they were talking to me. They told me they had seen me at church. Randy wanted to know if I sang and this started a friendship that lasted through high school. We've kept in touch through facebook. Then he, a couple years ago played Joseph in a musical production for Christmas. He is the oldest of 7 boys and I always admired his mother.
Went to a Chinese buffet today for lunch and Robby's fortune cookie read "you don't know what water is worth until the well runs dry".
I have lost 75% of my hearing is due to an infection and when I will get it back nobody knows. My world is quieter yes but there are things I can't hear hardly at all like birds chirping or thunder rolling. I miss these things. I can hear sound but not the words people are saying unless you yell. When I said I love you to Robert tonight the way I knew he replied was because his back vibrated. I've thought about my brother in law Allan who is deaf, a lot lately. How easy it is to communicate to someone but when I want them to communicate with me it's frustrating more than I know. I've complained about my ears a lot lately but I've also thought about that saying "you don't know what you got till its gone". My hearing was my water and my well started running a bit dry. Mine will hopefully be fixed soon.
But what if that water is the one thing that gives you life and beats in your chest? My friend Randy's little brother Garrett is 20 years old and has been told he needs a new heart. He goes in tomorrow morning to have a device implanted that will help take the stress off the left ventricle. It will buy him time to wait for a new heart. I think about my hearing and it's nothing compared to your heart slowly dying because of an infection that damaged it. How is it that his Dad got it awhile ago and his heart recovered and yet a 20 year old is waiting for a new heart. What would you do through a storm of this magnitude. I would pray but I also hope I would praise Him as the Rankin Family is. Thank Lord for Garrett you will do Great things through him. I pray you will bless his sleep and bless his life. Lord give his Doctors peace and guidance. Thank you for the privilege to pray with his team of warriors. We love you!
Meg