With the misdiagnosis of Fibromyalgia a lot of dreams went out the window. The biggest one was serving the Lord as missionaries some where. It just went out the window because that disease is so unpredictable. When I heard "Diabetes" there in that ER that day I was wandering how much of his symptoms were caused by the diabetes I realized that day that fibromyalgia could have been a misdiagnosis and I had hope that my husband wasn't going to die. People live with type1 Diabetes every day. I was glad that I had an answer finally.
Then I looked at his face. Utter shock "Are you sure?" he asked. "yeah man your sugar is 600, your kidneys and liver are shutting down I'm surprised your not in a coma right now."
Rob hates needles almost as much as he hates purple. I remember everytime he saw one of those diabetes testing supply commercials he would look at me and say "if I ever get diabetes just shoot me ok?" when I remembered this it made me realize that he really was facing his worse fear.
Unfortunately we went to the ER on a Friday so he had to go back on Saturday for him to get some more insulin that would keep him out of a coma till Monday when he could see his doctor. When we went back in his Sugar was still 550 so they tried a 24 hour insulin and some more short term insulin and this time they waited for it to come down before he left. They got it down to 330 and we went home. That night he joked with my mom played with the kids and kissed me first for the first time in a long time. It gave us hope that my Robert would come back. However the true test was still coming. Robert got all of his diabetes stuff the next week and being the nursing student I was I got to give him the first injection at home. I did it for the first day, every meal. He surprised me the next day by telling me he wanted to try. He said "meg I have too your not always going to be here." so I left the room and he did it. After a few weeks of doing this he got his sugar down to the 100s and everyone was so excited. The problem that we noticed was the pain in his legs the trembling and hand shakes got worse for awhile. I guess it would be considered coming off a sugar high. It was my first confirmation that maybe it was diabetes all along. His neurologist who was treating all the pain for fibromyalgia confirmed that this could all be the diabetes. He saw an endocrinologist who said yes most definitely , but that his body had been damaged so bad by the diabetes that it would take at least 2 maybe even 3 years to see what damage was permanent. For awhile Robert did pretty well but then the fact that his worse nightmare was his reality and that he was going to have to live with this for the rest of his life, started to sink in. In response Robert became more bitter and angry with God which in turn made him angry with everyone else as well. After a few months the I thought it would get better but I didn't realize that it was only building. Being in school and having 3 children at home and then dealing with his anger I was hanging on by faith alone. Then I realized that I was having a miscarriage when I didn't know I was pregnant. I look back and realize now I was about 7 weeks a long. It was extremely painful and I didn't tell him for awhile because he was just so angry all the time. Then in June we find out that I'm pregnant with Jason. I knew exactly when he was conceived because I realized that my birth control failed. I rolled over that night and said "I'm screwed" lol. We were in the doctors office when we found out and when I showed him that the pregnancy test was positive he looked at it and said "well that's inconvenient". I looked at my husband not knowing who he was anymore. I still had 4 months of school left. He kept saying things like "this isn't the right time". He even told his family how upset he was because I "was ecstatic". I decided that this was a gift from God it may have not been in my plan but this little life was a part of Gods plan. So yeah I decided to be happy. I loved whoever it was and I didn't know but God had a big plan for him.
After a couple months of comments and complaining and anger from Rob my body couldn't handle the stress I had taken on too much and with the exhaustion came contractions. At 17 weeks I was in the ER and didn't even know I could feel contractions that early. Rob sat there Rubbing my back loving on me like he used to, kissing me, filling me with "I love yous". I thought "wow he's back". After they did an ultrasound and saw that my baby was doing really good they sent me home and told me to stay on bedrest for 3 days. I was good with that. On the way home Rob got angry again. I saw him hardly at all those 3 days. He had the kids bring me this and bring me that. I had 3 days to think. I realized he was getting better and I was still treating him like he was sick. For three days he took care of the kids fixed meals and never heard him complain about himself not feeling well. I had enabled him. I didn't have to carry this load all by myself anymore. I also realized that we didn't deserve his anger and after six months of being mad at God he needed to fix his relationship with Him. I needed him to because that was just another thing that burdened my soul and I shouldn't be dwelling on it. I had some praying to do and some changes to make in myself and then I needed to confront my husband about the man he had become. We had a big blow out where I told him to leave. That he needed to go home see his family and get a better appreciation for his family here at home. Luckily he heard everything I said and he booked a flight. I told him if he didn't come home working on himself and his relationship with his savior than we would seperate. I also told him I would be working on some things in me and that our baby's life depended on the changes we both made. The 4 weeks before he left he was my old Robert. He even took me out for our anniversary where I didn't know what to say to him. He asked me why I was so quiet and I broke down crying and asked him "how long is this gonna last, your back and I don't want you to leave me again."
When he came back from Md I could see small changes taking place. I look back now and see the big job Jason had. He started healing our marriage. When we had our ultrasound after Rob got home, he watched his little heart beat and fell in love with him like I knew he would. We found out it was a boy. By the time that Jason arrived everyone was excited about him coming.
I want you to know that I'm glad I have walked this journey with my husband and I know that the blessing in the end for us is not only a stronger faith but a stronger marriage as well. Is marriage easy? No it's the hardest thing ever. Is it worth it? Yes. Do I love Robert more today than I did yesterday? You bet. Was divorce ever mentioned? Yes it was. I said "Rob I will never divorce you I have to much time and love invested in you for me to give up. I will fight as long as I have too, but I do believe in taking a break so we can put ourselves back together. This story isn't done I want to tell you more about the healing part of this whole thing so check back in and bring a friend.
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