Mama Bear post 1

For those of you interested and praying for my "No yelling for a year", I want to explain how this all started. I grew up with a mom that yelled most of my childhood years. In this case old habits die hard. The first parenting advice I remember wasn't for me and I wasn't even a parent yet. It was my dad telling my sister that when she yelled a threat she had to follow through or the kids figure out that your not really gonna do it. This was my first insight on how yelling really wasn't good parenting. I was researching other forms of parenting recently and came across the orange Rhino challenge and was in awe. I wanted to try it because she was so me. I hate yelling and more and more have ended up apologizing to my kids for it. I guess God has made me more aware of myself because I asked him to help me with this. Sunday morning getting ready for church I started screaming at Jason because he had peed his pants and lost a shoe while changing his clothes. All of a sudden I became light headed and dizzy, my heart started racing. My blood pressure was sky rocketing and I sat down on the stairs and thought to myself I can't do this anymore. It was the last draw I had to change for my children and not just the ones I have but the one I'm carrying as well. My health doesn't need the added stress. This has been something I have always hated about myself and quite frankly Robert hates it as well. I have tried for years to stop but I just never knew how.
So after this happened dwith Jason, later Sunday evening I sat down with my kids and asked them what animal I look like when I'm angry. After a dinosaur and a lion we voted and chose Mama Bear. Why did we name my angry self? So my kids can worn each other and myself that I'm getting ugly and they have a chance to fix what behavior they need to as well as let me know that I need to walk away or take a deep breath.
So how did my first day go yesterday? Pretty well I stopped my self 3x from screaming. I lost it once I started choking on rice that I was eating for lunch and needed water and I yelled at Robby and Robert when I was dying and needed water (and they were taking forever! ) I apologized. Robby gave me a hug and said "oh well it's alright mom your choking is what scared me".
With my non yelling attitude yesterday I received way more thank yous and I Love Yous and that is so worth it. I'm so glad I decided to do this. I know it's going to be hard. In fact I think it's the hardest thing I have ever done. I know I will have days of failure but that's what is great about this challenge Tomorrow is a new day and you can start over everyday. I'm looking forward to going months without yelling. Thank you so much for following my journey hopefully this will inspire other moms. I don't just want to be a yell free mom in public, I want to be a yell free mom at home too. I hate fake people I don't want to be a fake person. I love my children and they deserve to have a real mom. If anybody has a bible verse that I can use as a reminder to myself please pass it along :) Thank you for your prayers.

Meg

Jesus Loves me this I know:)

Just the thought of the rawness of this post makes me want to cry but I'm tired of hiding. Depression overcame me these past few months. We always joke that I am "fertile myrtle" because rob breathes the wrong way and another Moore pops out. However sometimes this "blessing" that some see it as can bring way to much heartache to bare. In November I went to California with Robby and we picked up the Dodge. I had trouble with my pharmacy being back ordered in my birth control in October and ended up having to get it at another. Well I apparently got it too late. I was late about 2 weeks as I traveled in November. I started bleeding and bled for 8 days. I wasn't sure what was up because I had only been going about 3 days. I thought maybe it was just my body all screwed up but when I got home and talked it over with Rob we realized that we had lost a little life. I was sick to my stomach a lot of that trip and got car sick a couple times even though I was the only one driving. A few weeks later the realization hit me when my cycle returned to normal. There were other symptoms and indications but i really dont want to get that graphic. The hole that consumed me has been very hard to climb out of. I have had 2 other early miscarriages in our almost 10 years of marriage. We only told our mothers because of how painful they are. It only gets worse each time. Because that's one more child I won't feel kicking inside me. That's one more baby I won't get the pleasure of naming. Rob and I have cried over this one at night more times than any of the others. I honestly don't know why. Rob was open with me tonight and told me that we have only planned 1 pregnancy out of the 7. With us our children have all been in His timing because I was on or using birth control at the time of conception. He said that the # of children we get is all up to God. We can prevent all we want but ultimately it's up to Him. A lot of family has even kind of scorned at us because of having 4 and being poor. We can do what we can do but if God wants you to have a child he gives 1 to you wether you planned it or not. Unfortunately with all the "blessings" He has given us, have also come pain. I don't know what it's like to not be able to have a baby. Where I have one extreme that causes me heart ache I have members of my family who have the other extreme of not being able to conceive which is also causing heartache. I know they think they wish they had my problem but sometimes I wish it took a bit of effort to conceive because then I wouldn't have so much pain. If you are wondering when I had my other 2 losses, the first was right after I had Robby and the other was before Jason. I thank God for all 7 of my blessings. I just wonder sometimes what the reason is for the pain. Why put me through it all so many times? Why give them to me and take them away before I even know they are in existence. Why do I get something when others don't get anything? Why do they have to try so hard to conceive once when I have to try my hardest not to conceive? This time has been the hardest emotionally. I know I'll heal but that #7 is forever engraved on my heart. Am I writing this to get pitty? No I don't want phone calls or messages saying sorry just a silent prayer is good. I'm only venting and getting the rawness off my chest so I can move on. Sorry if you have noticed my blueness I've been trying to hide it but that is no longer working. Thank you for all your love and understanding.

And I will always love you!

Ok so I have always loved that song and knowing that one of my Dad's favorite movies is "The Body Guard", it always reminds me of him. During the weeks leading up to Valentines I hear that song a lot. I have carried on the tradition for my children that he started with my sisters and I a long time ago. Every Valentines day morning I woke up to a surprise at the foot of my bed. Most of the time it wasn't anything big a small box of chocolates and sometimes a balloon. It always said "Love Daddy". I never went one year with out a valentine because I always had my Daddy. He always made it special and having 4 daughters who always dreamed of the days of boyfriends, on that day he made it not so bad. I love that he did that because he took a holiday that was normally for significant others, and turned it into a reminder of how much we're loved just in our own families. I wish everyone had grown up with a Daddy like mine that way maybe Valentines day wouldn't be so sad for some people. Everyone can have a Valentine even if its a friend or your mom. It's about Love and not just one kind. Now I think I'm repaying him by passing on the tradition. I never thought of Valentines as a "Lovers" holiday growing up till in my teen years I just thought of it as the "Love" holiday and now I get to pass that on to my children.
That song and all the Red Hearts remind me of the ultimate love, that of Christ who gave his Life and shed His blood for all of us. Not only that but he rose again coming back to life. I know that this can be a depressing holiday for some of you that are single. However maybe you need a new out look. View this as a "love " holiday and if you have no family around to share it with use this day to bless someone that could use the Love of Christ. I love my husband and am glad for this day. But he's not the first reason I love this day. Christ is because he loved me first.

Thanks Dad!!! Happy Valentines Day!!!

You are the potter I am the clay.

15 years ago almost exactly I sat down in an algebra class with a bunch of "brains". I was 12 and a boy sat next to me and a boy sat behind me. One was Randy Rankin and the other Taylor Sutton. It was the first day of 7th grade and I was nervous. "Hey are you going to choir practice on Wednesday?" I was a bit confused as to who started the conversation and I certainly didn't know they were talking to me. They told me they had seen me at church. Randy wanted to know if I sang and this started a friendship that lasted through high school. We've kept in touch through facebook. Then he, a couple years ago played Joseph in a musical production for Christmas. He is the oldest of 7 boys and I always admired his mother.
Went to a Chinese buffet today for lunch and Robby's fortune cookie read "you don't know what water is worth until the well runs dry".
I have lost 75% of my hearing is due to an infection and when I will get it back nobody knows. My world is quieter yes but there are things I can't hear hardly at all like birds chirping or thunder rolling. I miss these things. I can hear sound but not the words people are saying unless you yell. When I said I love you to Robert tonight the way I knew he replied was because his back vibrated. I've thought about my brother in law Allan who is deaf, a lot lately. How easy it is to communicate to someone but when I want them to communicate with me it's frustrating more than I know. I've complained about my ears a lot lately but I've also thought about that saying "you don't know what you got till its gone". My hearing was my water and my well started running a bit dry. Mine will hopefully be fixed soon.
But what if that water is the one thing that gives you life and beats in your chest? My friend Randy's little brother Garrett is 20 years old and has been told he needs a new heart. He goes in tomorrow morning to have a device implanted that will help take the stress off the left ventricle. It will buy him time to wait for a new heart. I think about my hearing and it's nothing compared to your heart slowly dying because of an infection that damaged it. How is it that his Dad got it awhile ago and his heart recovered and yet a 20 year old is waiting for a new heart. What would you do through a storm of this magnitude. I would pray but I also hope I would praise Him as the Rankin Family is. Thank Lord for Garrett you will do Great things through him. I pray you will bless his sleep and bless his life. Lord give his Doctors peace and guidance. Thank you for the privilege to pray with his team of warriors. We love you!
Meg

"Overwhelmed with You" part 2

So it's been a month since we went to SWPA and our hearts have been quieted but the excitement is still there. For a long time we couldn't even touch the application. It was such an overwhelming experience that even the envelope was overwhelming. So we need to get the Applications in this week but some of the questions have been difficult for me to answer. So pray for the Lords wisdom it's mainly the doctrinal nitty gritty questions that I'm having hard time with forming the answers and coming up with the biblical references to back them up. I am lucky to have a man that has started proving to me that he is way more knowledgable in his bible then me. That is for some people intimidating but for me that's encouraging and a comfort. So now I need to back up and tell you how God is still blessing us. Rob got word that his start date for his new job was the day we were leaving for the family Deep Creek camping trip so that meant Robert couldn't go. He sacrificed for us and I am so proud of him but there was a hole and he missed my birthday. However that week he made an impression with his bosses that is standing still and they are considering him for a supervisor position and he is only 3 weeks on the job. He went into this job after 5 years of not working a full time job due to illness and then under and unemployment. So he promised the Lord that he would go to work and Glorify the Lord in everything that he does and says. So now they are watching him and giving him situations to prove himself worthy of a supervisor position. Pray that he remains true to God and that he keeps up his stamina. They are short manned and Robs picking up the extra hours as overtime. Man am I proud to be his wife! I am overwhelmed with the blessings God is bestowing on us. Not to mention the awesome Call we've been given.
God has also been convicting me of the way I dress. I read a blog recently about a family of girls that only wear skirts. This is something I have always admired. This lady came up with biblical references on modesty that really hit my heart. It made me realize how easy it would be and I hope over the next few months you will see a difference in my dress. We won't force the issue on Ahna but we have talked to her in a kid friendly way about what mommy wants to do. I hope that setting an example she will decide for herself and either way we will respect her decision. I'm excited about the changes God is making in our lives. I hope you are too! Keep praying and I'll try to keep you more updated.

Meg

Overwhelmed with you

These last 2 weeks have been overwhelming for our little family and it's been nice to take a breather. Right now I am laying on my bed watching my littlest one take a nap next to me. I've been soaking up the scent of my husband from his pillow. He made me so proud this week. I am proud to be his. I am 10x more in love with him than I was last week. Our 2 weeks started with VBS where I was able to bring 16 children from the old neighborhood. Also one of the teen workers that volunteered to help made a decision for Christ that week. God was amazing that week. I feel like he was getting us ready for what was yet to come. Friday night we left for deep creek where my sister had rented a house for us to stay at. So the 8 of us came together and was just overwhelmed with Gods beauty in that place. Swallow falls was amazing and unbelievable. On monday Robert got a call, a job offer close to home that we have praising God over ever since and it was cool that my sister was with us for that. After a few days of shopping site seeing and enjoying the campfire it was time to depart for South West PA where Cornerstone ministry Center (CBM's camp) is located. We got to meet Judy Virgili, the director Mark, his wife Roberta and all the staff and volunteers. When we first got there Mark took us on a tour of the facilities .. When we had first got there, there was a photo album in the lobby and Rob and I looked through it before seeking out someone. The pictures of the camp before the renovations started were horrific you look at thAt book and then look up at the hallway and think "Wow Lord you truly are amazing".

When Mark started the tour He was on cloud 9 and told us some of the most amazing God stories we have ever heard. The campus was an old coal mine that had been donated to CBM. After that tour you could see God in every part of that building and could feel His presence everywhere. After going swimming and eating dinner with everyone (including 40 campers) we were called into the CBM office for an "informal meeting" with Judy who then called in a board member who was also a volunteer laborer. The conversation was 2 hours long. I watched as my husband answered question after question unwaveringly. The next morning it continued with another board member and his wife added to the panel and the conversation lasted an hour and a half. What we went up there for was as told to us as a meet and greet had turned into a 4 person panel interview. Did we feel it at the time? No. I'll tell you why. When Robert got a hold of Judy in May and told her that it was suggested by Carolyn King that Rob contact her we didn't know at the time but the week before he called the board member that was there for a first set of questions, had come to Judy and said "we really need to pray harder about the Lord bringing someone to maintain this place full time". So for a week they prayed and then Robert called. The board members name is Mel and he lives 30 miles away and can only commit to a couple days a week because of the commute. When we told Judy that we would come she told everyone and the prayers went from "bring someone Lord" to "we pray for the Moores that you guide them and you guides us Lord". We didn't know how big the need was until multiple people came up to us and said "we've been praying for you and I couldn't wait to meet you." I think It was meant to be a meet and greet but everyone was over excited anxious to see if this was Gods will. When we left on Wednesday we were so overwhelmed with Love that we drove a good while in silence. Letting God calm our fast beating hearts.
To be continued.....

Jesus loves the little children all the children of the world!

What a day!
When you get a text saying your husband collapsed in the bathroom of the movie theatre there are so many things that go through your mind. Him and his brother went and took Robby to see the new spiderman movie. It was a gift to Robby for his birthday. Robert wasn't feeling well and went to the restroom but before he could make it to a stall the world started spinning and his chest got tight. He leaned against the wall and then passed out. It ended up being to much flexeril.
Going through these trials has made me weary at times and tonight was one of those. You have no words, you have no tears, your mind goes numb, and you just want to go to sleep and wake up with life far better than it is. Tonight however has been a bit different. Robert and I have been reading "through the eye of the storm" by Max Lacado. We are about nine chapters in and he brought up a good point that I haven't thought of much. Most people think of Jesus as God but they rarely view him as a man. He was fully man just as much as God. He scraped his knees and fell out of trees. His voice squeaked when it changed and he probably got pimples. If he was a teenager today he'd probably go mountain biking and parasailing. He was fully Human and new what pain was. He lost his best friend and cousin to being beheaded. Oh how he must have grieved for him. How his heart must have ached for John. He was tempted by Satan for 40 days. In my weariness I wonder how weary he became. Not giving up just being tired to the bone of it all. That's how I felt but at the same time not giving up and letting Satan take over. We are suppose to leave in just 9 days and Satan does not want us to go. Its not just this thing with Rob there are so many obsticles popping up it's ridiculous. I know we will be victorious in the end. I am holding onto the promises. I am also calling it out for what it is. These trials have been difficult to bare but I know I am not carrying them alone. The greater the trial the more glorious the victory! Satan doesn't want us to do what we want to do. We want to serve the Lord that's it we want rely on Him completely. We are practicing this now but it will become easier to trust him as we serve Him longer. God has laid a burden on our hearts and we want to be his tool in bringing more brothers and sisters into the kingdom. God gave Jesus the same burden but on a much larger scale so he understands. He knows what it feels like. But he knows temptation and trials as well. He has been where I am now. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that I serve a God that knows. Pray with us as we try to overcome the evil one . Pray that we become stronger. Pray for wisdom.
Meg